Encounter with "Mrs. Manners"

Encounter with

“Mrs. Manners”

Recently I offered a sermon based on a parable of Jesus that included instructions about hosting and attending a dinner party.  Feel free to take a moment and refresh your memory by reading the parable in Luke 14:1, 7-14.  During my research for this sermon I ran across some details that I’ve been pondering ever since and I begin to recall two “classes” my Mom insisted that I take while I was in my Junior High days.  One was a course on ballroom dancing and the other was on table manners.

We met at the Elk’s Club where Mrs. Sloan of Columbia, South Carolina schooled a group of us…boys and girls alike…on the precise patterns of the waltz and foxtrot.  Some actually became quite good dancers but most of the lessons were about rules that started with, how do you ask someone to dance and how do they accept, the proper and decent places to place your hands on your partner, and the need to not only dance but to engage each other in conversation.

Once we graduated this program it was off to the next meeting of the Junior Charity League.  Here the ladies hosted us for a banquet during which time we were to learn all our table manners…which fork to use, hands in your lap, and talk but not with your mouth full.  I didn’t know it at the time but all of these instructions came from a book that was dear to every Junior Charity Leaguer entitled, Miss Manners; A Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.  Who knew that there were rules for writing thank you notes for graduation presents, using a knife instead of picking up your fried chicken, and hundreds of other rules for how to behave appropriately in every social situation…especially when the event included a meal.

And, that brings us to our story in Luke which could rightly be called, “Jesus’ Guide to Dinner Parties”.  Dinners, especially banquets were incredibly important in Jesus’ day, primarily because of the influence of the Romans.  In the Roman Empire dinners were part of the economic system known as “patronage”.  The wealthy and privileged issued dinner invitations to those with lesser status in order to secure their loyalty.  A dinner invitation obligated the guest to repay the host, however the host would see fit.  If you were a guest, having a meal with a patron would bind you to them until the debt was discharged.  And, since the meal to which Luke refers was hosted by a religious leader, there would be expectations about appropriate behavior, seating arrangements, cleanliness, and the proper preparation and serving of food.  So, Jesus offers instructions as freely as did Miss Manners, Mrs. Sloan, and the Junior Charity League moms.

Jesus teaches that guests should not take the best seats at the banquet.  It’s rude and you might just be shamed by the host, but if you hang back a bit you might be rewarded by the host and end up with a better seat.  And, to the host Jesus says, don’t just invite people so that they might include you at their next party or so that they will owe you a favor, but open your table to those who can’t possibly return the generosity of your patronage.  A place at your table shouldn’t depend on the status or wealth of the guest, rather serve and feed the lowly and the social outcasts.

Jesus teaches us that there should not be anything transactional about a dinner party.  If it looks like quid pro quo, don’t do it.  Here Jesus destroys the whole idea of the Roman patronage system and reminds everyone…hosts and guests…of the economics of God’s kingdom.  Your job is to care for the outcast, the poor, the downtrodden, and the oppressed.  God’s way is different from the Roman way.  Remember that and act accordingly.  Recall the social system of God’s kingdom - the first shall be last and the last shall be first.  Remember the words of Mary in the Magnificat, the rich and powerful will be cast down and the poor and helpless will be lifted up.  The place of honor at God’s table will be given to the lowly, so clear the way!

This parable of Jesus is so much more than the etiquette training I received from some super well intentioned moms who had read and digested Miss Manners by Judith Martin (a national bestseller which has been updated and is still available on Amazon).  This parable is a non-violent resistance manual to the Roman occupiers acted out at the dinner table and an introduction to hosts and guests alike to the radical difference that we can experience at God’s table.  Gathered around a meal, pulling up chairs, passing bowls…a banquet where all are seated and honored…where the poor and outsiders are blessed now and where everyone is preparing to know God’s blessing forever.

Postscript - In my junior year at Wofford I was invited to escort a young lady from Columbia, South Carolina through her debutante season.  This was the first venture into the realm of big city high society for this small town redneck.  At the practice for the “coming out into society” final dance it became clear to me that none other than Mrs. Sloan was in charge.  Having not been in her company for more than seven years and positive that she would not remember me, I was startled when she said to all the gathered couples that she had chosen Mr. James from Union, South Carolina and his lovely lady to lead the Grand March.  With some whispered instructions from Mrs. Sloan, I was able to recall all the twists and turns of this outdated formal spectacle and I limped through the practice. 

After the dance and the presentation to Columbia society of all the white- gowned debutantes, we were all seated for a banquet.  Our table was made up of all college students and I noticed that when the meal was served no one started eating.  My date whispered to me that she felt that with the array of silverware in front of us, perhaps no one knew which utensil was the proper one for the first course.  So, thanks to the ladies of the Union Junior Charity League I picked up the proper fork, everyone else at the table followed suit, and we were able to enjoy the meal together.             

I look forward to God’s table where everyone is valued and every fork is the proper fork!